Daddy's Got Rights Too?

I remember very well the sinking feeling and the dread when I realized I wasn't going to be seeing my kids faces every morning and that I would no longer be laying in the floor playing with them every evening or laying on the couch with them watching their favorite cartoon. I also remember the incredible pain in my guts as I was forced to walk away from my son who was barely 8 months old, knowing I may never see him again. Sad huh? Not nearly as sad reading as it was to actually live those moments.

Today, it seems like a life time ago. But the casualty of it all is very real and very lasting. It was seven (7) years nearly before I saw my son again. Nothing I could say or do seemed to change matters at the time. My ex-wife even refused support. She figured that if she refused help she could justify her desire to never let me have contact with him. Not sure how the courts overlook this type of thing and it amazes me that it can even be allowed. If I had it to do all over again, I know that I would do things a little different. AT the time, I felt like I had no choices and therefore no rights. Today I know better, and it seems the legislation, at least in Michigan, is trying to change this as well.

Dad's need help. It's just plain and simple. Women have always had the upper hand when it came to marriages being dissolved. Women got custody and the men got the bill. That's just not fair. Children need their parents. Both of them! And they need the courts to act on their behalf, not on behalf of just one spouse over another. Fair and equal punishment under the law, should be the mainstay of treatment in marriage disputes as well. Fair and equal treatment in divorce. Equal representation under the law and equal and fair settlements.

I am not blind to the fact that some parents are not deserving of equal custody and in those instances the court needs to always ensure that the well-being of the child is placed above all other factors. Parents who are known abusers, addicts or other types of offenders should be evaluated prior to decisions being made on their behalf. Despite a parents rights, child safety has to be the priority. But such allegations cannot and should not be based on the word of the ex-spouse alone. I know of a case recently where a couple separated and the wife informed the day-care that the husband was not to be allowed to pick up the children because he was mentally and physically unstable. I know the guy. He is neither. It was an out-right lie, that not only punished the children, but caused hurt and suffering to the husband who loved his kids more than anything.

If I had been able to have equal custody of my children as they grew, I am positive that some of the problems that they have dealt with through the years would not have come about. There have been many emotional problems that have had to be worked through and many mixed feelings on their part as to their role and their acceptance by me. All of this could have been avoided if shared custody was the mandate instead of the exception.

I love my children very much and I have missed them and cried for them on too many occasions, when all I ever needed was to be able to share their lives on more than just a weekend, or a few weeks out of the year. This is not only unfair and devastating to the father, but it is detrimental and life changing for the child. Children need both parents, preferably in one household, but if the marriage is lost the best thing for all members of the family is for both parents to suck it up and do what's right for the child, by sharing responsibility for every aspect of the child's development and seeing that the welfare of the child is placed above the petty pride and ambivalence of the parting parents. "Can't we all just get along"?

On August 11, 2007 there is going to be a bike ride from Lansing, Michigan to Washington DC, to raise awareness of this situation and to try and get the word out that Daddy's need equal time with their children. Check out Daddy's Blog.

Mom's, love your children and let them spend time with their dads. It's the best thing you can do for your children. Dad's, don't turn away from marital counseling as something you see as pointless. The first thing is to try and save the marriage. It can be done if both parties will step out from behind the mask of pride, selfishness and self righteousness. There is no greater gift you can give to your children than dedication, commitment and and a strong sense of character brought to your relationship with your spouse. But if it doesn't work out, remember it isn't about you! Our differences with our spouses need to take a backseat to the needs of our children and our children need us both. Equal time and shared responsibility. Make it work.